Current Events - 2/21/06

Ok....so there's not much new in the world tonight so I present you with a round-up of what I call "Color me surprised!" stories. For those of you out there who don't understand sarcasm, this means that nothing in any of these stories should be news to anyone with a brain and some free memory. I'll start with the somewhat mundane and progress to the ridiculous.
Out in California, it seems they have a problem carrying out an execution. Apparently, they are a lot more concerned with the 'cruel and unusual' pain that the man being executed will feel than they are with all the pain and suffering that his 17 year old rape/murder victim felt. Excuse me?? He had a right to a trial by his peers, legal counsel, three squares a day and a comfortable bed throughout his rightful appeal process. Do we really need to ensure a painless death? Mind you, we're not talking about a claim that he might be innocent. We just don't want him to feel the alleged 'excruciating' pain that might occur as the injected chemicals are putting him to death. Sorry, but I am of the opinion that he doesn't get that right. To (mis)quote Robin Harris, "I ain't afraid to pull the switch! Hell, you ain't even got to pay me. I'll do it for free. Just line 'em up and strap 'em down. BZZZT...Next!"
In Ohio, we're catching terrorists! Forget all the expense of finding them overseas. Now we're housing them right here! Plotting to kill U.S. citizens and soldiers in Iraq, no less. I just have to wonder, though....did we catch them by listening in to what they were saying over the phone to known Taliban operatives? That's all I'm going to say about that.
Bryant Gumbel. I almost don't want to talk about him because it gives him the attention he so desperately seeks. Anyways, he found it necessary to tell us there is a 'paucity of blacks at the winter games.' After taking my non-college educated hiney to the nearest dictionary, I find he's letting us know that there is a "smallness of number or quantity." Surely this can't be news to anyone, so I'm supposing he's saying it to let us know that it is our (white folks) fault that there aren't more blacks at the winter Olympics. Can't be....can't be. As stated in previous columns, nobody is stopping them and those who want to, will. Don't want to hear it from me? Fine...go talk to USA's gold medal winning speed skater who counts Bonnie Blair as an influence. Or perhaps our women's bobsled team. Better yet, go interview Phillip Kimely Boit. (For those who don't know, he is Kenya's one man winter Olympic team who competed in cross country skiing.) Now there's a man who overcame obstacles to live out his dream. And by the way, Gumbel, you were no Brokaw. So quit putting down other reporters for giving great broadcasts to dedicated fans. P.S. Gumbel says we need more 'diversity' at the winter games....athletes from 80 countries coming together, sharing, socializing and getting along? I think they set a fine example of what true diversity is!
Speaking of 'Real Sports,' another NFL player, another drug charge. Now there's an example for our children Bryant! Not to be outdone, the brilliant minds at NASCAR suspended Jimmy Johnson's crew chief for an additional three races for blatant cheating during Daytona 500 qualifying. (Insert loud sound of tires squealing on pavement as I apply the brakes heavily.) Wait a sec....NASCAR was built on beating the other guy by finding an edge...bending the rules...making a loophole. If we start booting people for getting back to the roots, it's gonna be a short season, folks.
Meanwhile, in the world of older rock and pop stars, Gary Glitter is molesting children while Madonna (amongst others) curses on the BBC during a charity concert. Maybe momma was right about rock and roll messing up your mind. And shame on the BBC for not inserting a 10-second delay anyways. Ya'll should know better.
Continuing into the Hollyweird scene, it seems that lots of big name stars have similar problems to regular rich folk. Their maid is an illegal immigrant and steals from them. Seems she only stole from those who treated her poorly....mebbe that makes it ok? Nah! Also, there are (shocking?) reports tonight that some of Hollywood's underaged elite stars are partying in nightclubs that they shouldn't have been allowed into in the first place. A) This is NOT news. B) It's been happening since the dawn of time. C) I would much rather spend time reading about how the club owners were fined and jailed for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. As for Nick and Jessica, if the roles were reversed, he'd be paying her out the patutie. Period. Women want equal treatment....give it to 'em!